Kevin’s funeral was 3 weeks ago and the pain of remembering how much he suffered, how difficult it was to watch him die and how very difficult it was to leave his casket at the cemetery just overwhelms us. The reality of the past 2 ½ years and especially the past month has begun to settle into our very souls, and the pain is unfathomably deep.
Yesterday evening I went to Kevin’s grave site. I was hoping to find some peace and closure but seeing the big mound of dirt heaped upon his burial site was not a consoling sight. I was very sad; I couldn’t even cry. I just felt sick. I sat on my mother’s grave and placed my hand on Kevin’s very new grave and asked my mom to look out for the grandson she never knew in this life. I told Kevin that maybe it’s time to give me a sign that he is still with us and that he’s OK. Better than OK. Kevin knew that I wasn’t much of a “look for a sign” person – he knew that in order to reassure me it would have to be something really out of the ordinary.
After getting back in my car I was struck with the desire to visit the graves of my maternal grandparents (also buried at Holy Cross). My mother was an only child and they both died in 1963; I was a young child then and don’t remember much about them, only that they loved me. I remember visiting their grave sites when I was young but I think it was too difficult for my mother and so the visits stopped not too many years after their deaths. I haven’t visited their graves in over 40 years. In my child’s memory they were buried near 3 pine trees and a statue. I sensed that Kevin would help me find their graves and so I asked Kevin to guide me. I definitely didn’t think I would find their graves; at Holy Cross it would be like finding two needles in a haystack.
I drove for a few minutes, and felt compelled to park in a section that had no trees and no statue in the immediate vicinity. I walked about 30 feet directly from where I parked the car…and there were their graves. There is no logical explanation for how I found them, especially so quickly and also because the location of their graves goes against what I remember as a child. At their grave site I felt some comfort and asked them to look out for their great grandson, and I feel they already are doing just that. I am such a skeptic and I’m not using this as proof of anything. Dumb luck could have produced the same result. But still…I want to believe that the ease in which I found their graves was an indication that Kevin was with me. And so I hope. And so I continue to pray.
On a practical note, once again I feel compelled to say that many people who have helped us will go unacknowledged for a variety of reasons. Recent contributors to Kevin’s established account – I have no check records; please know that we are grateful. Thank you to Ed DeVenney for running the Rite Aid Marathon in Kevin’s memory and to all who supported his efforts. How about if I say thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone? You know we love you and are grateful.
We anticipate Mary Kate’s 8th grade graduation. She made the St. Ignatius marching band flag corps and begins practices and camps soon. She has travel plans, various camps, etc. and we hope she has a happy and busy summer. Thank God He gave us our wonderful daughter.
The continuation of the website allows us to ease into the finality of Kevin’s death and retains our connection with all of you. We’ll know when to close the website, but (at least I’m) not ready yet. We send our love.
Ann
Three Weeks Out
May 20, 2009 by Jon JarcComments
May 21, 2009, 10:51:00 Brittany Johnson -11 wrote:
Mr. and Mrs. Healey,
I was a classmate of Kevin's at Notre Dame, and Ann Marie Ferry's roommate. Through her, I was blessed to share a few meals with Kevin. Mrs. Healey, as I read your most recent post about looking for signs that Kevin is more than ok, I felt compelled to share the following two stories in which I whole-heartedly believe that Kevin interceded for me within the past couple weeks. I pray that these stories bring you peace.
First, as I wrestled with final exams, there were a few classes in which my desired grade seemed nearly impossible with only the final exam remaining. Knowing what I genius Kevin is and the intelligence he possesses, I prayed for Kevin's intercession that just for this one week he could share his brilliance with me so that I could achieve these nearly impossible grades so that one day I could go onto medical school. I prayed for Kevin's intercession throughout the week for this same intention. I want you to know that not only did I achieve the nearly impossible desired grades, but I surpassed them. Let me re-phrase that: WE surpassed them. Through Kevin's intercession, God granted me this unbelievable blessing and request.
Next, after school ended, I spent a week in an orphanage in Honduras. On the way home, I was very nervous traveling alone internationally for the first time. Sure enough, my connecting flight was late, and by the time I got into the Houston airport, I had 20 minutes to go through customs, bag re-check, security, and the final gate. As I SPRINTED through the airport pleading for cuts in line, people would laugh and say "Honey, this is the WRONG airport to be running late in," or "You are not going to make it...I've been running late here before, and it's impossible to catch your flight." Although discouraged, I was determined to get home to my family. I started to pray and ask God to please hold the plane for me. I then remembered your suggestion from the website to pray to Kevin since he is our new angel in heaven. So I asked Kevin to please intercede for me...to please ask God to hold the plane because I was nervous, stressed, and just wanted to get home." Against all odds, I made my flight with 5 minutes to spare and am safely at home with my family now.
I'm sorry for the length of this post, but after reading all of your posts throughout your entire journey, I needed to share this with you so you know that your son is truly an angel and is working in all of our lives. All we have to do is ask.
Mr. and Mrs. Healey and MaryKate...Thank you for sharing your angel with all of us.
Sincerely,
Brittany Johnson '11
May 24, 2009, 22:06:10 Katy wrote:
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such a terrible loss, but please, please be assured that we haven't stopped praying for you. I will continue to lift your family up in prayer for a very long time, even when it seems that the world has gone back to normal. I'm sorry there isn't anything else I can do to help, but I will never stop praying! Your family has touched my life and I will really try to touch yours in prayer. Kevin is an angel and it gives me great hope that he is in heaven praying for all of us as we have for him. Peace be with you.
Jun 10, 2009, 20:14:53 Bob Austria wrote:
To the Healeys:
My youngest daughter graduated yesterday with your daughter at St. Angela. My oldest daughter graduated with Kevin at St. Angela. I was Class of '80 at Ignatius. This being the West Side of Cleveland, we know the same people and have attended the same parties.
As a person, I struggle with my faith daily. How can I incorporate God in my daily life as a husband, a father, an attorney, as a man. Life becomes distilled to making sure the next bill gets paid. I always look to the future. But Kevin's story has taught me, at 46, the future is now. Despite whatever problems we face, and they're many, it's all gravy. There is no alternative.
I cannot begin to fathom your past two years. However, Kevin's life is a testament to you as parents. You taught Kevin, and are teaching Mary Kate, the right things. Kevin faced a devastating disease head on. The seeds of Kevin's faith, strength, and courage were from God. However, you were the water which made them grow.
Pax vobiscum.